agency and leadership
Agency, the key to Living life unstuck.
There’s a pervasive sense of being stuck in the world today. As a coach working with people at every stage of their careers—from first-year employees to CEOs—I’ve seen this firsthand. The feeling of being stuck is universal, though it manifests differently depending on where you stand.
At the top of organizations, managers feel stuck in a cycle of enforcement. They’re convinced nobody wants to work hard anymore, pointing to empty offices, disengaged employees, and waning motivation. Their response? Dictating when, where, and how people work. But enforcement often reveals an underlying truth: a loss of control, overcorrected by assertion. Here’s what I believe: hire people you can trust, and if you can’t trust them, let them go. If you find yourself firing everyone, it’s time to look inward—at yourself and the systems of support (or lack thereof) within your organization.
At the other end of the ladder, employees feel just as stuck. They’re weighed down by stagnant pay, sky-high expectations, and a lack of autonomy. Many are frustrated by managers who seem out of touch, imposing authority in ways that feel parental. And who wouldn’t disengage if treated like a child? Employees reflect on what they gave during the pandemic—time, energy, and sacrifice—and wonder why it still isn’t enough.
What I see, over and over, is a stalemate. Managers waiting for employees to step up. Employees waiting for managers to step back and listen. And while everyone is waiting, organizations—and the people within them—suffer.
Why We Feel Stuck
The reasons so many of us feel stuck come down to recurring themes:
Misaligned Expectations: Unspoken or unclear expectations lead to frustration. Managers expect unwavering alignment, while employees expect fairness and recognition that don’t always materialize.
Focusing on Others Instead of Ourselves: We waste energy worrying about others’ actions or reactions instead of focusing on what we can control—our own.
Overpersonalizing Actions: Many things in life aren’t about us, but we interpret them that way. When we see life as bumper cars rather than go-karts, we understand that bumps are part of the journey, not a personal attack.
Giving Away Authority: We unknowingly hand over too much power—to managers, organizations, or societal norms—diminishing our sense of agency.
What True Agency Looks Like
The happiest people I know aren’t necessarily at the top of the ladder. They’re not the wealthiest or most accomplished. They’re the ones who’ve mastered agency: the ability to take ownership of their lives, choices, and reactions.
Agency is realizing that while you can’t control everything around you, you can control how you respond and show up. It’s about leading your life—not waiting for someone else to step in.
Three Tools to Reclaim Agency
The Agency Ladder :
Move from frustration to action by clarifying expectations and boundaries. Ask yourself:Are expectations clear?
Have I shared and discussed how I feel?
Have I provided coaching or built confidence to take the next step?
What boundaries can I set to move forward?
At the end you will feel relief and agency.
Climbing this ladder shifts you from being a passive participant to taking control of your situation.
Reaction vs. Action:
Shift focus from what others are doing to how you can respond. Ask:What can I control in this situation?
How can I act in a way that aligns with my values?
Instead of trying to change others, focus on shaping your own responses. Hating your boss, stressing over a deadline, or ruminating over a comment—these are choices. Choose differently.Power Points:
Start each day with 100 Power Points, representing your sense of authority and agency. Decide where to spend them wisely:Trust yourself to make decisions.
Advocate for meaningful work instead of passively accepting tasks.
Recognize that most managers don’t want unchecked authority; they’re just doing their best.
For access to these tools and more please email Team@bettermeant.co or click here to get added to our mailing list.
How My Life Changed When I Reclaimed Agency
For years, I looked outward for validation, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging. I believed it was my manager’s job to make me happy, my company’s job to make me feel valuable, and my peers’ job to include me.
I was spinning.
Everything shifted when I realized: it’s nobody else’s job to make me feel whole.
It’s about doing work I value and creating value in that work.
It’s about clarifying expectations instead of expecting people to read my mind.
It’s about focusing on my reactions, not obsessing over others’ actions.
It’s about seeing life as bumper cars, not a go-kart track—bumping isn’t personal, it’s progress.
It’s about realizing that leadership isn’t a title—it’s a mindset.
A Call to Action for 2025
January is the perfect time to reset. Stop waiting for others to lead and start leading yourself. Agency means granting yourself the authority to get unstuck, take control, and live with purpose.
Ask yourself:
What expectations are unclear or misaligned?
Am I focusing on others’ actions instead of my own actions/ reactions?
Where have I given away authority, and how can I reclaim it?
The happiest and most fulfilled people don’t wait for someone else to hand them authority—they claim it. Let 2025 be the year you stop waiting and start leading.
